Unreasonable Wife & Money Issues

Hi all,

I was hoping for some advice as I am in real financial trouble not helped by my wife.

Here’s a quick rundown of my situation:

- Married for 10yrs with 2 kids, ages 8 & 11
- I initiated divorce proceedings in March
- My wife was trying to delay matters so I instigated Children Act Proceedings (Hearing at end of October), Financial Remedy Proceedings (Hearing in November)
- Since initiating the divorce my wife has made false allegations of Domestic Violence and Child Neglect.
- I voluntarily moved out of the family home in August to further protect myself and am now living with family 150 miles away.
- She was granted an ex-parte Non Mol in September and I attended a hearing 2 weeks later. The Court was unable to grant undertakings due to the DV allegations, so I accepted the Non Mol on the basis of no admission and no findings by the court. The court refused to extend the Non Mol to the children and also did not grant an Occupation Order as requested by my wife.
- She has involved Social Services and they are writing a report - I don’t feel I have got a fair hearing on this.
- 1 week later I was arrested for ABH and Child Neglect - I had to spend 10 hours in a cell, I was then interviewed and released without bail and under investigation as it was another Police Force which had issued the warrant.

Throughout this period I have been paying for all household bills and the mortgage for the family home - this has continued after I have moved out. I have advised my wife I cannot afford this but she is unwilling to contribute in any way. I earn £85k and she earns £40k and we both work in Financial Services which means you cannot have CCJ’s.

When I am paid monthly, all the bills go out of my account and I am immediately over my agreed overdraft limit of £2,000 and I incur fees. The largest outgoing is my Mortgage of £2,300. I feel like I would like to miss a payment to gain some respite - I know this will impact both our credit records as it is in both names. Is there any legal ramifications if I do this - I honestly do not know what else to do? Is there anything I can do about the other bills which are only in my name?

Many thanks.

If you are no longer living in the former matrimonial home you should inform all the relevant utility companies and get them to transfer the bills into your wife's sole name. If the mortgage is in your joint names you should also do something to ensure this does not come out of only your account. If possible it should come out of a joint account perhaps set up solely for that purpose and into which you each agree to pay a fixed amount. You should not be paying the whole of the mortgage. It is your wife who has the benefit of living in the property rather than you.

That does not mean you may not have to pay something to your wife. At the every least you will need to pay her child maintenance because the children seem to live with her.

There should be no problem about the utility companies assuming you inform them and insist upon those bills going into your wife's sole name. There may be a problem about getting her to co-operate in respect of the mortgage but that is not to say that you should not try. After all, if you tell her that you are only going to pay £X and that she should pay £Y you have said that she also works in financial services so she may not want to take that risk either.

How much exactly you may need to pay her will depend upon the detail of your respective financial circumstances but if you get these bills sorted out and do what you can about getting the mortgage shared at least you will have more control over your outgoings.

Many thanks David - your advice is much appreciated and gives me some hope!

Hi David,

I did as you suggested and now her solicitor is threatening an interim periodical payments order if I don't reinstate my payments for all household bills and the entire mortgage within a week. They also said I would be liable for all costs incurred. Can a court force me to pay all these bills if I cannot afford it - just a look at my bank statements for the last year prove this.

I would suggest that you write to her solicitor with copies of your bank statements pointing out that you cannot afford to shoulder all these expenses and that your wife can and should be paying a fair share since she earns a significant income and she lives in the property. Also that your child maintenance liability is £X and that what you are paying in total is a lot more than £X.

Really such a letter ought to be carefully written so you would be wise to get a solicitor to do it for you. It is unreasonable that your wife refuses to make a contribution to these costs bearing in mind her income.