Am i way off the mark?

Hey there,

Tough situation as with many on here, im a little stuck with making any decisions right now. No divorce started yet, and ive put up for years already if waiting longer helps the situation I can wait a little longer.

So situation is this:

Pensions roughly the same

I earn £44k (12k salary, rest dividends)
She earns £28k + £4.5k as an “administrator” in my biz (pure tax situation)

I am a 1/6 shareholder in a software company, no real assets or value except myself/word of mouth. She’s a teacher.

House is worth £380k, £170k mortgage (£210k equity). 4 bed detached, my dream home.

£77k of that equity was inheritance spent on our previous home and rolled into this one (I doubt this makes a difference of course).

I own my own car (£15k), hers is on finance. She has about 10k debt left (after ive paid off the rest)

We have been married 13 years, together 18 years, both 35, 3 kids 18, 15, 11. (We were young I know).

Long story short I haven’t been happy for a long time, I doubt she has been either. Biggest things for me is every few years we have to suffer paying off credit as she has no financial sense and keeps putting us in debt. Hiding it, open about it, its varied over the years but same problem occurs. This last one really put my at the edge as I was really getting close to making a massive change to our lives, basically I was gonna make a huge dent in the £170k mortgage and its all had to go on her debts.

Im sure she doesn’t see me as an angel, at this point I really dont want to argue I just want what’s best for my kids, and us just separately.

Right now im cautious to go forward with anything as I know she would unlikely be able to take the mortgage on her own, and I know for sure she couldn’t buy me out in a 50/50 situation.

I intend to aim for 50/50 with our children, of course hoping she would see this as best in our kids interest (I have my doubts, starting a divorce could go either way imho).

She leaves about 7am and gets back at 6pm, I generally (90%) work from home, get youngest ready, do the school run, always the one to pickup if ill during school time etc. If we do have a shared tea maybe once a week she is the one to cook it. If the girls need clothes she’s the one to take them shopping. If we have a takeaway im always the one to fetch it, etc etc.

To make that short I would say we really are 50/50 and if not im the one at the school gate and watching tv with them after (no judgement here, just trying to be clear).

As you can see we are a little short on funds. Any 4 bed round here is £290k+. I love the home we have, Im pretty sure I could on my own cover our current mortgage but she couldn’t. Not just money in, here credit score is shocking, thankfully mine has recovered well this year.

Im just looking for an idea what would be an acceptable starting point for me to suggest. I dont want to be unfair but I also really want as clean a break as possible. As I said my main reason for wanting this is to protect myself and children against her.

The most mortgage I could probably get is £180k so only 10k to “buy her out” but I may be able to 25-50k as a loan on house (we had a 25k loan before that we were both attached to, which Ive paid off).

I may be clutching at straws I really just want to know how far out I am, could I suggest:

1. I take over home, mortgage/title ie signed over to me.
2. She gets a 50-60k lump sum
3. I pay her the other 50-60k over next 5 years as maintenance (eg 1k per month)
4. Everything else we keep what’s ours
5. If agreement and payments made when all settled a clean break should be agreed

To me sounds fair given 77k of that is my nana inheritance anyway but I know that’s probably by the by as shared assets, they were at the time so I have no issue conceding that. Is this “fair and equitable” or am I being unfair?

It doesn't sound fair to me. If the equity in the house is about £210K then your wife's assumed share is £105K which on the face of it is the amount you would need to pay her to buy her share out. If what you are proposing is £50K now and £50K over five years that is all very well for you but your wife would need her full share now in order to be able to buy a place of her own. Also, she earns much less than you and therefore has a lower mortgage capacity. Therefore although her presumptive share is half in fact she may need more than half because of her lower mortgage capacity.

Bearing in mind the money is now tied up in the matrimonial home the fact that you previously inherited £77K is likely to be of minimal relevance when weighed against your wife's current needs.

Thanks david,

I did have a suspicion i was off, i just cant get the knowledge of whats happening out of my head to think fairly.

Not only that just found today of the last 10k savings i transferred to her to pay down debts (over last 2 months), shes spent half of it, and only paid off 5k. and now found out she has even more debts she didnt tell me about.

I really dont know what to do anymore, im screwed while i stay and seems going to be screwed when i leave.

If we cut it 110-120k her 100-90k me is there any chance i could get a clean break from this. As in would this likely seem fair to the courts?

If a person has a habit of running up debts that habit is likely to continue. Whether you continue to accept it or bring the situation to an end with a divorce is a question only you can answer. No matter what the financial outcome of that divorce may be you are of an age where you should be able to repair the financial damage much more easily than someone older. The children are no longer toddlers and your wife does have a reasonable income of her own so it should certainly be possible to have a clean break in the foreseeable future.

Although the financial outcome you have outlined does not look to be fair that is not to say that you and your wife might not be able to reach an agreement on an acceptable financial outcome upon divorce. Even if you could not agree it with her directly you could well be able to do so at mediation. There is nothing about the figures here that looks insoluble so you shouldn't despair too much.

thanks david