Divorcing without solicitors and agreeing on assets

So me and my husband and agreed that we should divorce, we have 3 older kids who are both in there 20s own jobs etc and we also have a 7 year old son together.

We are lucky enough to both realise the situation and can still communicate and have verbally agreed that in principle we will have joint Parental rights for our youngest son where he will reside with me and be free for him to decide as and and where he wants to spend time with either of us I do not doubt that my husband will ever see my son go without and we don’t feel the need to have any court orders requesting x,y ,a must be done or paid etc

My husband owns a property that we used to live as a family solely in his name and only worth about 480k ,we took a joint loan out to do refurbishment for around 70k so after the sole mortgage and loan there is around 200k Equity .

my husband and grown up children have continued to live there , I have been living separately from husband renting a property that I live with my youngest son .

Both mine and my husband financial situation has been badly effected by covid I’m currently on jobseekers and believe my husband is really struggling at the moment financially

My husband in all honesty put all the effort and finances into the property owned ,I just want a clean break and in all honesty on the balance of fairness my husband deserves to keep the asset in its entirety my older kids both still live with him ,however as I am legally obligated to repay the loan and my husband current financial and bad credit situation prevents him from taking any more funds or paying my share off my liability to repay this loan

My husband agrees that The only way out of me getting a clean break is the sale of the property and then paying back of the loan and mortgage I would be happy for all the equity in the property to go to my husband so he can buy a property for him and my older children and really don’t want to contest this,

We don’t want to use Solicitors as it just seems unnecessary when we agree on the split , however we realise that we should get a consent order drafted just to prevent any future conflicts.

There is no savings or other assets to consider , we just want a clean break as quick and as less stressful as possible it seems very unnecessarily complicated just to walk away legally even when we agree

In order to finalise everything formally and finally you need whatever agreement you come to turned into a court order. Such a document needs to be drawn up by a solicitor because it is too technical to do yourself and it could be very costly if it was not properly drawn up. If you are both in agreement then there is no reason why the cost of doing it shouldn't be quite modest.

Having said that, courts do not act as rubber stamps. They will only approve a proposed agreement if it is broadly fair and in any given case there is usually a wide spectrum of outcomes that would be broadly fair. The courts do not nit pick simply for the sake of it.

However, I am struggling to see why this proposed outcome would be fair and I think a court would too. This is obviously a long marriage and, frankly, the two older children are irrelevant. They are adults and you have not suggested that either is disable in any way. Therefore they would be irrelevant in assessing your husband's housing needs. You on the other hand will have the care of a seven year old who is very much relevant as a dependant. There is no good reason why your husband's housing needs should be prioritised over yours and they shouldn't be. If anything you have the greater need.

Regardless of whether you think your husband put 'all the effort and finances' into the property the fact is that is also irrelevant. Not only that but you do down your own contribution. There are three children. Your husband didn't give birth to them, did he?

I think you need to reconsider this and/or take proper independent advice because I cannot see that this outcome would be fair and I doubt that a court would either.

Hi Terry thanks , for your response .

So just to clarify the living arrangements for my 7 year old will Although I said he will reside with me that is not the actual case as he will lliving on a shared basis as sometimes my husband would need to be having my son during the week and taking him to school, picking him up etc We both agree that we are excellent parents we both have equal housing needs , and whilst I understand your concerns about what seems fair as for the housing situation, even if I was to keep the mortgaged house I would be liable to keep of with the monthly mortgage payments even if it was ordered that my husband paid towards them , I don’t want anything from my husband I don’t want him to have to pay any thing on my behalf , he would be always be paying for items of clothing and coving the majority of costs for our youngest I don’t need a court order for that and as I don’t want to keep the former material house I’m happy in my rented property , if I was to Force a sell of the property just to get a share of the equity then it would just cover the rent for a few years although I’m currently on jobseekers that is not going to be the case for much longer how I chose to live a single woman should not be dictated to by the courts we have raised 2 older kids and if I want to sacrifice something then I should be free to chose to do so , There are a multiple of reasons as to why I’m not seeking to take anything from the asset and don’t think it’s right that a court should have the say on what they deem is fair they have not been in the relationship for 20 years, further to this I have some payments that a due to me from a compensation claim that are substantial in in theory that would Mean that my husband would be entitled to some of those funds but he is not going to request any of those

I am not the type of woman that is just out for everything I can get, in my circumstances and over the years I know what is fair and what is not and I am aware that The older kids are not relevant in the courts eyes but to me they are and if the court was to say the agreement is not fair and I was basically forced to put a agreement in place to divide the assets , then the only way possible to do that would be to sale the house and if that was the case i would just give the proceeds right back to my ex husband, which is a pointless process,

I really don’t understand the divorce system but It seems ridiculously that it is not possible for two consenting adults to come to a agreement on a split that they deem is fair we should be able to agree on a consent order however we chose , and not have to be worried about what the courts deem to be fair on our split , this could keep 1000s of people unnecessary in and unhappy marriages.

Like I said, the courts do not act as a rubber stamp to any agreement you choose to come to. The agreement you have described looks unfair to me and I think it would look unfair to a court for the reasons I have explained. That is not to say that the courts dictate how you should live your life. That is a matter for you. However, to the extent that you wanted a court to approve something which the court thought was unfair the court would refuse. There is nothing unfair or unreasonable about that and nothing which obliges you to remain married if that is not what you want.

Really appreciate your help , I understand as to why the court would have to make sure things are fair to some degree , and can see why in the black and white terms Iv explained it can seem unfair, however there is lots of situations involved as to why I think it’s fair and when me and my husband agree on something we would rather just set it in a consent order and be done , we don’t really want to have to explain to a judge as to the reasoning , and yes I don’t have to stay married but to have someone eles ditacte to what we can and can’t agree on would make finalising the divorce impractical, as I would tell the judge I would rather be homeless than return to my former marital home even if my husband was not allowed to come anywhere near the house , so I would have to sell it and then split any Equity left , which I would then just give back to my husband which is totally unnecessary in my opinion l,

Was hopeful of getting a easy divorce and makeing it as less stressful on everyone but if the courts are going to take that view then I really need to get legle advice and looks like a will have to get a Solicter I expect them to take the same view as you but I’ll remind them they work for me and not the other way round

>>Was hopeful of getting a easy divorce and makeing it as less stressful on everyone but if the courts are going to take that view then I really need to get legle advice and looks like a will have to get a Solicter I expect them to take the same view as you but I’ll remind them they work for me and not the other way round <<

A solicitor may work for you and not the other way around but the situation you face here doesn't have much to do with how you instruct a solicitor. It is that if you want the agreement you have outlined approved by a court and turned into a court order then I think you will struggle to explain why it is fair. It may be what you want but that doesn't make it fair. If you wanted such a settlement approved by a court then you would have to explain to the court why it should approve it whether you want to do that or not.