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Please help me what to do

Posted by ray1970 
Please help me what to do
May 25, 2022 02:28PM

I am going through hell and would appreciate some advice please.
I have been married for 20 years during which my wife and I had many disagreements. We got to the point where we can't communicate without arguing. So I decided over a year ago not to have any communication with her. I pay all the bills and food and she never spent a penny on these. The house is big enough to have our own space each and that's we have been living for almost 2 years.

I know that our marriage is over but we are still living in the same house with our 2 children 11 and 16. I could carry on living like this until my kids reach 18 but she wants us to get back together but for me it is not an option. She keeps coming to talk to me and even cry and shouting at me. I keep telling her to get away from me and not talk to me. She has ben putting so much stress on me that I am willing to do anything to have peace.
I have started drinking heavily every night just so i can sleep.

Could you please let me know what my options are? I can leave my house and go and rent a room somewhere. Is this a good option as I can't see any other way to get her off my back? Divorce is definitely what will happen at some point.

Thank you for your help
Re: Please help me what to do
May 25, 2022 04:50PM
If you are thinking of renting a room somewhere then getting a divorce sooner rather than later would seem sensible because the marriage is obviously over. In general it is usually better to remain in the matrimonial home until the financial issues have been formally and finally resolved (because that tends to lead to a better financial outcome and it improves the odds of being able to reach agreement directly between yourselves). Having said that, nothing is more important than your health. You are one living there. Only you know for how long you can continue to do that. There is no benefit to delaying a divorce. You both need to be able to move on with your lives.
Re: Please help me what to do
May 25, 2022 05:33PM
But I understand a divorce could take up to 5 years if one side is opposed and I am sure she will oppose. Also, I wouldn't mind her and my sons staying in the house until my youngest reaches 18, i.e in 7 years. Will i loose my right to my house if I wait 7 years before I divorce? After all the deeds are in my name and she never contributed a penny to the mortgage or any of the bills including food?
If I am able to divorce in the next 3 years, can I get my share of my house or all the house) 4 years later after my youngest reaches 18?
Also, if I leave my house and ret a place tomorrow, what are my obligations towards her and my children, bearing in mind the mortgage is fully paid?

Many thanks
Re: Please help me what to do
May 26, 2022 10:51AM
You misunderstand the situation. No-one needs to wait five years for a divorce and you certainly don't. That is an old ground for divorce which has been swept away. You can have a divorce whether your wife wants one or not and you can have a divorce now or, at least, you can have one just as quickly as the courts work these days.

If you were to leave now you would have an obligation to pay child maintenance and there is a formula available for that which you see for yourself at the child maintenance service website. Whether you would also have to pay spousal maintenance depends upon your income and that of your wife and your respective outgoings.
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