Please Help!

Hi everyone, I am currently going through a divorce and wanted to ask some advice if possible please, I have a solicitor but conscious its expensive asking her advice on everything! Currently my business has been hit very hard over the last 12 months with covid but also because my wife had an affair and left the family home so I have been looking after our 3 children most of the time, consequently making it difficult for me to work as much as I need to. My wife does not work however now we are separated she does receive some types of benefits until she returns to work. Currently I am paying the mortgage and all of the household bills with very little coming in, whilst she does not give me anything. We are in process of agreeing a financial split on the equity of our home but I don't know where I stand regarding the bills on the house? Currently I am having to use savings which is not ideal and the longer this goes on the more I am losing out. She is not in the home very often ( 1 hour a day ) and I don't know if she is doing this to argue she has not been here so she doesn't have to pay anything? Can I build this into our agreement or is it likely to spark further tension. Any thoughts would be hugely appreciated. Many Thanks, Jonny.

For what it’s worth, I was in a similar situation, wife had affair, left home and the children stayed with me. I paid all the bills including all the mortgage (I had the benefit of living in the house, she didn’t) I also paid all the household bills as it was me running them up. Fortunately I was working so had an income but I did have the child benefit paid to me rather than her but because of my salary I didn’t qualify for any other benefits. Have a look online to see if you are entitled to any benefits,you never know what’s out there until you look.

You might also want to think about changing the locks if she has no need to come into the house, you are entitled to your privacy. I simply swapped the front and back door locks round (very easy to do on UPVC doors) so at least I had comfort that she wasn’t visiting when I was at work and the children were at school.

Thanks for this Andy, I really appreciate it and sorry to hear you went through a similar thing. All the child benefits go to her, so not sure if I can claim if she is already doing so? I think because I am so stressed at the minute I am struggling with work but know once I am away from her I will be able to rebuild things, so only looking for short term help. My concern with the locks is she will report me but it is very tempting to do so.

I think if you want to get the child benefit paid to you,your wife would need to let the benefits people know and you would have to make a new claim. Fortunately my ex wife was amicable about that at least.

You could always change the locks and see what she says and take it from there.

It does get better, believe me, it might feel like the end of the world now but you will come through this. I made the mistake of being an awkward sod and prolonging everything (she was desperate to get married, got engaged before we were divorced and had already planned the next wedding) but with hindsight I wish I had just got on with it. Once the divorce was finalised and I had paid her off it was very liberating in a weird kind of way. I then knew where I stood financially and could move on and the relationship with my children was brilliant and we ended up more like friends than father and children. After years of doing things just to please her I had got myself a new set of friends and did things for me, I bought the car she would never let me buy and I went on holiday to places she would never have entertained and I love my life now.