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Ex is not paying anything for children

Posted by veryworried 
Ex is not paying anything for children
April 27, 2021 10:40PM

I got decree absolute in May 2017. We did not go to court, it was a DIY divorce done with the help of two random solicitors who we only used to file decree nisi and absolute. The entire thing was over in six months, but it felt like many years!! Me & my kids were being abused by ex at that time so I just wanted out at any cost! I did not had mind to even speak to solicitors as I was close to having nervous breakdown. I just wanted trauma to end and police was involved as well. In July 2016 he left for Sweden to live with the girl he was having affair with and he still lives over there. He is British citizen though and visits UK often but earns in Sweden as far as I know.

My ex was aware that if the divorce went to court he will be charged for hitting me and children so he offered that I keep the house (£400K 80% mortgaged and the cars) and that we do not disclose bank accounts to each other, in return he did not wanted to pay any child maintenance. I had support from family and was working so agreed and blocked him. I wanted to get rid of him and save my children and myself from any further stress and harassment.

Both my kids were going to a private school, I was given support from school so was able to continue their education. My kids are older now 15&10 and I have done some major repairs in the house. Since last year ex has started communicating with children after complete disconnect for 2 years after divorce. He gave £2k each year in 2019 and 2020 for their education.

Today, I wanted some help with tuition fee and asked him if he can pay directly to the tutors which he is refusing. Total I am looking at £4K for the entire year for both children and everything else on top of that I will cover. He has refused saying that I should sell the car or downsize but as he has not taken share in the house he is not going to pay anything for them!

We had a very abusive conversation today. It brought back lots of bad memories and undo lot of therapy. I am feeling very stressed. He says if I took matter to the court then I will have to give him his share in property which he did not take 5 years ago! Is that true? Do I have any options? It will be huge help if I can have some kind of child maintenance arrangements in place. He has not paid anything regular since July 2016! Both kids need tutoring and I have so many other expenses!

Can someone please help me with an advice or information please? Thanks is advance.

Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 04/27/2021 11:02PM by veryworried.
Re: Ex is not paying anything for children
April 28, 2021 02:29PM
>>My ex was aware that if the divorce went to court he will be charged for hitting me and children

That is simply not true. The divorce courts are not there to 'charge' anyone. The criminal courts are responsible for punishing crime and whether a person is or is not guilty of any crime is (unless the circumstances are exception which these are not) irrelevant to the divorce courts. Similarly the criminal courts do not care whether a crime occurred before or after any divorce.

As to the substance of the post you do not say whether there was actually any court order which formalised what you say was agreed or whether the house was actually transferred into your sole name. Nor whether either of you have remarried, This does affect whether or not your husband can raise other financial issues besides child maintenance.
Re: Ex is not paying anything for children
April 28, 2021 07:01PM

There is a paperwork which says that the divorce is finalised on the terms that I will keep property. There is no mention of kids arrangements in it. There was no court involvement. I found a solicitor and the property was transferred to my sole name. Same for the two cars they were transferred to my name.

Our decree absolute says nothing about custody or maintenance of kids. My ex is not interested in me or children.
Re: Ex is not paying anything for children
April 28, 2021 07:12PM
>>There is a paperwork which says that the divorce is finalised on the terms that I will keep property.

What paperwork is that exactly? I ask because you say there was no court involvement which implies there is no court order. I can see that the property might have been transferred into your name but that is not 'paperwork which says that the divorce is finalised on terms that you keep the property'.

What form that paperwork takes is important, as it whether either of you have remarried.
Re: Ex is not paying anything for children
April 28, 2021 07:43PM
I received Decree nisi in October 2016 from the Family court at Bury St. Edmunds and the Decree Absolute in May 2017 . On first page it says that the marriage is dissolved. There two notes on the same page that says divorce affect the will and that divorce affects the appointment of guardian.

Attached to this is our agreement which says matrimonial home to be transferred to me within 14 days which was done. I should release him from mortgage within 28 days which was done.Then cars to be transferred on my name which was done. He made a one off payment of £18K for children (voluntary child maintenance) . Then £5 per annum until my remarriage or youngest child turns 18.

All other assets to remain each of our property

There is a point that says that subject to the provision of this order the petitioner and respondent claims for financial provision and property orders do stand dismissed.

The parties shall have liberty apply to the court concerning the implementation and timing of the terms of this order.

I have not remarried. I am not sure about him.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/28/2021 07:44PM by veryworried.
Re: Ex is not paying anything for children
April 29, 2021 11:46AM
Then there clearly was a court order although its contents are not exactly clear because on the one hand you refer to what is obviously a court order while on the other you say he made a voluntary one off payment of £18K. If it was in the court order it was not voluntary. If it was not in the court order but a payment made separately that is very different.
Re: Ex is not paying anything for children
April 29, 2021 02:20PM
Thanks for your response David. The situation was this:
1. He was having an affair and wanted to leave us and the country.
2. He started having unreasonable fights with me and hit our kids that were very young.
3. He threatened that it will become worse and asked me to apply for the divorce as he has no reason to apply for it as I was not abusing him.
4. One day he was beating up my son and I had to call the police on him.
5. I didn't wanted to divorce but his behaviour and threats kept on getting worse and he demanded divorce saying that he will leave the house, cars, saving and kids to me, he just wanted to start new life with this other lady and he wanted a clean break with no obligation to pay for the children.
6. I was told that if I went to court I might end up losing 50% of everything to him so I took his offer. We did not do mediation or contested. I asked for one-off £18K payment for the child maintenance which is written as voluntary child maintenance in the paperwork.

This was all five years ago. Since then I had to carry out emergency big repairs in the house and lost job couple of times and have exhausted savings. I need to pay some fees and have expenses for kids for which I need him to contribute. I wanted to know :
1. Do I have any claim? He stopped paying for anything in July 2016.
2. If I did filed a claim can he still ask for his share in the property or old savings or assets in return?

I just need him to pay £4k per year, the CMS calculator says he should be paying £916 per month !


Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/29/2021 02:23PM by veryworried.
Re: Ex is not paying anything for children
April 29, 2021 06:38PM
All this history is irrelevant. What matters is that there seems to have been a court order and that order contained a provision for your husband to pay £18K child maintenance which you call 'voluntary' but which appears to have been a part of a court order.

Having agreed the terms of a court order four years ago you now seem to want to go back on what you agreed. Quite possibly you would not have got the house outright if you had sought periodical payments four years ago. You got something out of the agreement and so did your then husband.

Bearing in mind that what he paid in child maintenance seems to have been written into the order he would be entitled to refer to that if you now change your mind and decide that you want more child maintenance.

Your ex husband is, of course, in Sweden and seems to earn his income there. Assuming you were successful in making an application for child maintenance in the UK you would then have to enforce it in Sweden, assuming your ex husband stays there.

Getting to the bottom of this has been difficult because what you said initially seems to be contradicted by the facts. I say this because no-one can really answer your question properly without actually seeing the original court order. If this is something you want to pursue I think you need to formally take a solicitor's advice and disclose all the relevant documents so that he/she knows what the position really is according to the terms of the court order.
Re: Ex is not paying anything for children
May 01, 2021 11:08PM
Thanks David. I am quite confused as well. I was very much dependent on my ex wrt paperwork and legalities. I do need help with children to maintain their lifestyle . I will speak with a solicitor.
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