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Fair vs agreed?

Posted by Mac 
Fair vs agreed?
March 08, 2021 09:58PM
Hi, first post on here. Thank you in advance. About to start divorce process. We have lived as separated for about five years, but she did not move out until July last year. We are on good terms and both want to do what is best for our 12-year old son. When she moved out we agreed that I would pay her rent for max six years, and a monthly amount that covers her bills, food and a bit of margin comfortably for three years. She is returning to work and determined to make her own money. What she makes she keeps. Because she is expecting to return to her home country (third world country, where she also has a family home) to retire she has suggested taking 1/3 of the combined pension assets. We’ve also agreed a split of other assets (net, combined 60-70k) which is broadly 50/50 (not had exact valuations on jewellery, wines etc yet). Beyond paying her rent and the money we agreed I am paying private school for our son and all expenses relating to that. Hence my fixed monthly cost base is huge, but I am on a good salary and I will be a bit better off than she is until she gets her work fully up and running. I’m also desperate to save up to buy somewhere to live (to lower cost and get out of rental trap), since paying two rents plus school fees is a killer. IF I don’t manage to, our chances of providing a safe home (i e not rented) for our son here in the UK are slim and she is supportive of that. She is unlikely to want to buy here anyway (and unlikely to be able to get a big enough mortgage) so it is basically down to me. Also, if my monthly cost goes down I can better help her and my son, which she knows.

We are on good terms. She is happy with what we have agreed. We want this process to go as quickly as possible as the relationship is well and truly over for so long and we both want to move on. I know I have not disclosed specifics here, but I am more asking in general how likely would it be that we WON’T be able to get our agreed deal through?

I have suggested her to seek legal advice and I am worried someone will smell blood here. Neither of us want conflict and I’d rather give HER money than paying lawyers. How do we best ensure that this doesn’t get “infected"?

Many thanks in advance.
Re: Fair vs agreed?
March 09, 2021 11:25AM
Frankly, you should get a divorce as quickly as possible and settle financial issues formally and finally within the context of that divorce. There is no reason why you cannot do that by agreement but you should not delay. Not only are you paying your wife's rent and paying money for her bills, food etc you have no way of knowing what she might want the longer this is delayed. The money you are paying out will just be treated as water under the bridge. If the marriage broken down five years ago you were unwise not to have brought it to an end at that time. Delaying any further just makes no sense.
Re: Fair vs agreed?
March 09, 2021 01:50PM
Thanks David, yes I agree fully and understand it should have been done ages ago. I have tried, but for many reasons (long story) things have moved very slowly. But finally we go the move sorted last year and we’re now finally getting the next steps going. Thank you for your feedback!
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