advice on starting the financial process without solicitor

Hi
Grateful for a quick how to guide on what I need to do to get the financial ducks in a row

I know I have to complete a form but not sure which one. Also think that my husband would need to make a financial declaration by doing this too-he has not been willing previously but I think he is now more reconciled to the situation
I had heard that taking these to mediation and 'agreeing' pre court was a cheaper option- but only legally binding once signed off by the court

Our situation is:

-No dependent children under 18 but I have supported both through university (husband in debt)

-One child continuing in higher education next year
-House jointly owned (mortgage extend three times due to debt but I accept I signed for this and so bear that cost)
-I have records to demonstrate the additional funds I have paid for substantial items for the children including the university costs-can this be taken from my husband's share of the property? (likely about 65K total from me)
-He has taken 40K of pension (not disclosed to me until spent)
-He intends to take more money from his pension-again seemingly unaware that in theory I am entitled to a share
So in short my questions are:

Which form do I need?
Can I offset the additional payments I have made so the house share is more 60/40?
Can I declare pensions off the table?
and sorry to ask is there a rough timeline?
I appreciate that this might be influenced by my husband engaging in the mediation (he didn't last time as he said he couldn't afford it)
I am 59 he is 62 both still in full time employment

many thanks for your help

Many people can and do agree terms of financial settlement in divorce between themselves without recourse to any third party such as a mediator. Others are able to reach agreement after attending mediation. A minority cannot reach agreement and end up in court. In terms of expense the first is obviously the cheapest and least stressful with the court option being the most stressful and expensive. Whicher route is adopted the final terms of settlement need to be submitted to a court and turned into a court order in order to become truly final.

Obviously to come to a meaningful agreement both sides need to know the financial circumstances of the other. This doesn't require the use of any form - except where a court application is the chosen route because a court will mandate the use of a form. In the other two cases disclosure can be by more informal means. In practice the financial circumstances of most people are not so complicated as to require completing a 30 page form. The other thing, of course, is that before coming to any agreement - by whatever means - it is prudent to get some legal advice to ensure that whatever is agreed is broadly fair and within the sort of spectrum that would be likely to be approved by a court.

As to some of your particular questions:-

>>Can I offset the additional payments I have made so the house share is more 60/40?

I think that is unlikely. How assets will be divided will in most cases be according to need (and in a marriage of this length the starting assumption would be an equal dvision of assets). The division could be 50/50, 45/45 or 60/40 or whatever but in the circumstances you describe I think it unlikely that what you say have been your financial contributions will affect that. I dare say that your husband would probably point to financial contributions of his own. The point is these things are hardly ever decided by looking at them as some sort of ledger account.

>>Can I declare pensions off the table?

You can (just as you can declare that the world is flat) but the fact is that your pensions (and any of your husband's) are matrimonial assets and should be taken into account. A court would expect them to be taken into account and so would a mediator. Bearing in mind your respective ages and the length of the marriage this is a case where pensions should be taken into account.

>>sorry to ask is there a rough timeline?

The court process could easily take a year (not because it has to but because the courts are slow). If either of the other two routes result in agreement it should take very much less time. Basically how long it takes depends on how long it takes for you and your husband to come to an agreement or, in the last resort and in the absence of agreement, for a court to decide.