Hi,
I’m absolutely desperate for some legal advice. I don’t think my Solicitor is very good as she just ums and ahs about what I might be entitled to.
My husband is being extremely difficult, controlling and arrogant. He is also changing his mind all the time which is causing me nothing but distress.
I’m crying every day as I’m so worried about whether I will be alright or not.
I would be so grateful if you could help reassure me.
In brief:
Together 21yrs, married 19.5yrs
Split in oct 22
No children
No debt, just mortgage & husband has 67k car finance
Wife, 48, not working due to mental health difficulties had all my life, progressively getting worse. Not worked in 3.5yrs and getting £777 a month in PIP & ESA. Previous to the last 3.5yrs, worked full time on about 26k and fully contributed financially to marriage.
Husband, 46, high earner, brings home £5,169 monthly net. Plus shares, bonuses etc.
We have:
House worth @ 500k
Outstanding mortgage 185k
We have 70k in joint savings (going down quickly due to solicitors costs)
He has company shares available to sell now worth about 6k after tax etc
He has medical ins via work. I have been on this for 21yrs also.
His work pension is worth approx 200k so he has said. Not sure if this is true or not. He doesn’t want me to have any of his pension.
I have an ISA worth 25.5k. This is made up of money I brought with me when we started living together. The rest is from money we gave each other each month as spending money during the last 20yrs. He spent all his I saved some of mine. He now wants half of this which I am disputing. He said to me many times over a number of years that if we split it would not be the right thing for him to do to come after this money as it is mine, he spent his. If he came after it he would have had 3/4 of that money and I would have had 1/4. This is not fair. If I’d known I’d have sent it all. How can I be penalised for saving.
I also have a 40k compensation payment from work as I was dismissed due to being unwell with no prospect of return in thenear future. It was 49k. We compromised and put 9k in our joint savings. We said the rest was to be put to one side for our retirement. He said if we split up it was mine as I can’t work and that he would not want any share of this money. He has now gone back on his word.
I have a DWP pension. Not sure what it’s worth. Maybe 6k pa if I take it at 65yrs of age.
My ISA, compensation payment and DWP pension. He agreed he would not touch these 3 things if we split. He is now claiming he wants half of them. Or he is going to use them as part of a financial offer that he is going to make me so that he does not have to pay maintenance. I think he thinks if he offers them to me now as part of a you keep these 3 things, get half the house equity and the 70k savings, he looks like he’s making me a great offer. Thing is I think it’s the same as him getting 50% of my ISA, comp payt and pension, but giving it me back in maintenance. So overall it’s the same
I really feel like I’m being done over here.
We both have state pensions
We had a Porsche we owned outright worth 53.5k. We were waiting for delivery of a new one just before we split. He took the car when he left in Oct. I never saw it again. In Nov, we traded that Porsche in for a new Porsche GT4 costing 97k. He used 30k from that as the GT4 deposit. 26.5k went back into our joint savings. I then took 30k for myself from the joint savings so we had both had 30k to be fair on both of us. We said the30k was to be disregarded going forward as if it did not exist. Not exactly sure what that means anyway as I understand everything is still a marital asset until we divorce.
I’m not sure how I stand with the car now? Any advice?
We agreed he would take £1000 from joint savings to pay for his car ins and I would have £1000 to myself, both would be disregarded. Again, not sure what that means?
He has car payments monthly of £506. These were to be taken from our joint savings and I would take the same amount each month again to make it fair, and they would also be disregarded. Same as above I’m not sure what this means?
As I said, he’s being controlling etc. He was moving all his wages each month to our joint account. Approximately £2500 was covering mortgage and bills. Approximately £2000 was going into our joint savings and £300 each was being taken for current spending money. A few days before payday last week. He told me he would only be moving money for bills/mortgage and nothing further. This means he’s keeping approximately £3200 for himself each month and he will continue to so each month until divorce. Can he do this? Should he not be moving the money into the savings as he has done for 20 years?
In order to make it fair, I have now taken £3200 out of our savings for myself. I’m not really sure if doing it this way as in him keeping 3200 and me keeping 3200 and really the right way to go about it financially. However, I can’t seem to reason with him or stop him.
He has told me I cannot move the £3200 for myself. He said if I do so he will be coming back for it at the end in the financial settlement. Can he do this?
If we keep £3200 each, can this also be disregarded or not? I’m really sure what this means. What I am worried about is, he will spend all of his on clothes, going out Christmas, he is buying winter tyres for ‘his’ Porsche and will be paying for storage for ‘his’ summer tyres, furniture for his new rental place, he intends to get in the New Year, etc. He’s terrible with money and spends everything. I’m concerned that by the time the house has sold say in approximately 10 months time he will have had over £30,000. I will also have the same, but he will have spent his. I will have saved mine to provide for a future home Given my situation. I am concerned he will be able to take this money back off me and split it between us, which again means I have actually had less of a split overall. Any advice?
Legal cost - we agreed early on that we would pay for both our legal fees from our joint savings. I have this in writing on emails and WhatsApp. He has now told me that I have to pay for my own legal costs bragging that he has a cheap paralegal who can sort out divorce for £1500 on his side and that my solicitor is charging £336 an hour and ‘isn’t that going to cost me a lot of money’, his words. Can he do this? This is really stressing me out because he’s being difficult, nasty with his messages and changing his mind on everything. He got his way with the car and the deposit. He has got his way by keeping his wages. I feel he is getting his way an awful lot, and so far I am getting nothing out of this. Is there anything I can do to ensure that legal costs are taken from our money even if that means from the money from the sale of the house I have a feeling he’s going to say our joint savings are mine, after I have used those to pay for legal costs, which ultimately means I have paid for them if you follow me?
House - we have approximately £320,000 equity in the house. I’m not sure exactly how this will be split.
As I am in a position where I am unwell and cannot work, and I’m on benefits, what will happen with regard to my living arrangements? We have a five bedroom detached house over three floors. It’s not cheap where I live and I’m looking at three bedroom properties in the region of approximately £250,000. Will this be considered reasonable? I know standard of living is taken into account?
I’m worried about what I will get altogether at the end of the day. Will I get enough to buy a house and a car as I have no car now he has taken it. Then will I have enough left to buy the furniture I need as the furniture we have in our large five bedroom house is not going to fit in my new house, as I will be downsizing considerably. Then what happens if I have some money left say £20,000. Will they say I need to use that to top up my £777 a month on benefits? Will I get any maintenance or will the fact that I have £20,000 mean that I don’t get any maintenance?
If I get maintenance will I get it for a fixed period? What about for life or maybe until pension age which is 68 for me currently. I’m very unwell may not get better enough to work or provide for myself. I am so unwell I have had to move out of the marital home and move in with my mum because I need an awful lot of help looking after myself and I cannot manage on my own. My husband knows this, he was helping me with everything, he knows I cannot manage by myself.
I’m really very upset and extremely worried about my future. Any advice would be very much appreciated right now as everywhere is closed and I am really stressing out and crying all the time as I don’t think I will be ok at all.
Thank you