I'm currently going through a divorce and we have had an initial mediation session.

One of the challenges we have is that I currently provide for my wife 100% (she doesn't work). We have around £240K equity in the house and 2 children, aged 5 and 8.

There is around £170K left to pay on the mortgage. My wife had a low paid job when she worked before and she readily admits that there is no way she could take on the current mortgage. I earn £75K a year. We're aiming for a 50/50 custody split so we need to support 2 houses.

After the initial mediation session, my mediator asked me to contact a mortgage broker to determine if it's feasible to take on 2 mortgages. I've contacted a mortgage broker but it simply isn't financially feasible to take on 2 mortgages.

I'm happy to help my wife with living costs (within reason) but I think the mortgage should be in her own name. As I understand from solicitors and mediators, there would be an expectation that if she stays in the house, the mortgage is her own name even if she receives support from me with the mortgage payments.

It doesn't seem feasible to pay the mortgage for a property I don't live in for the next 13 years.

I really want the children to stay in their current home but it just doesn't seem financially feasible. The only way this could be done is for me to support 2 homes but that's a massive commitment on my part.

Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation?

Yes, it is one of the most common situations. If your wife remains in the house with the children then she will be unable to get you removed from the mortgage. The mortgage lender will not agree because her earnings are too low. There is no reason why they should take the risk of removing you from the mortgage and they cannot be compelled to remove your name.

In these circumstances you can only realistically expect to be removed from the mortgage if the house is sold. Bearing in mind that there is limited equity and your wife has a low to non existent mortgage capacity I doubt that you could force a sale.

The reality is that you will have to remain on the mortgage until some point in the future - typically until the children cease to be dependent, your wife dies or remarries or else there is a voluntary sale of the property. This will inhibit you from obtaining a mortgage in your own name. Although that is far from ideal from your point of view it is a lesser evil from the court's point of view than forcing a sale and forcing your wife and children into rented accommodation so you can obtain a mortgage.

Thanks for your reply.

I understand the concerns. I should point out that we are planning a 50/50 custody split so I will need somewhere to live with the children when they are with me too.

From speaking to solicitors and mediators, it seems unrealistic for her not to expect to work whilst I'm working full time but yet have to support 2 houses.

In the case of a mesher order, where I continue to be named on the mortgage, who has the responsibility for paying the mortgage - me, her or both? For example, I've heard of mesher orders with indemnities where the resident spouse takes responsibility for mortgage payments but if they fall into arrears, the house is either sold or the arrears are deducted from their equity share.

Essentially, I would like her to stay in the house but it needs to be realistic and financially feasible for everyone.

If there is a Mesher order the former matrimonial home is transferred into the sole name of one spouse subject to a charge in favour of the other. The spouse to whom the property is transferred undertakes the responsibility to pay the mortgage. However, if that spouse has no income then it may be that the only way she can pay the mortgage is from maintenance payments made by the other spouse.

Bearing in mind your wife had a low paid job 'when she worked before' and that you earn £75K I doubt whether it is reasonable to expect her to increase her income to such an extent that she can pay the mortgage and other living costs purely from her own income. If she has the care of two children aged 5 and 8 I doubt if the views you attribute to solicitors and mediators are not just wishful thinking on your part. There is nothing in your post to suggest that your wife has an earning capacity remotely comparable to yours.

Thanks for the reply.

I agree that there is certainly an imbalance of incomes and this should certainly be addressed in any settlement, e.g. greater equity share in my wife's favour or spousal maintenance.

My concern is more around the fact that we share 50% custody. Currently, I'm working full time and my wife is refusing to work at all. It would seem unfair for me to provide spousal maintenance as an alternative to my wife working.

I agree that it is not reasonable to expect my wife to suddenly increase her salary to be able to support the current mortgage. But I also feel it is unreasonable to expect her living costs to be met solely by myself. Surely, both of us need to be able to support the children independently in our respective houses?

>>But I also feel it is unreasonable to expect her living costs to be met solely by myself. Surely, both of us need to be able to support the children independently in our respective houses?

Your wife's living costs are currently being met solely by you. That is the status quo. She also has the care of two children aged 5 and 8. It is unrealistic to expect her to become self sufficient while you keep your £75K per annum to yourself. It is not going to happen. It may be realistic to expect her to acquire some sort of income of her own over a period of time but for the foreseeable future you should expect to pay child and spousal maintenance.

Incidentally, the notion that custody of the children should be divided 50/50 between you is also almost certainly unrealistic. It is fairly obvious that it is more practical for the children to spend more time with their mother while you earn your living. That seems to have been what has happened during the marriage. It is likely to continue.

Thanks for the detailed reply.

I should mention that I work flexibly and work around 50% of the week from home. Typically, I vary my working day to fit around school runs and child care. It completely isn't the case that I'm out at work all day and she raises the children. Child care is split around 50/50, I work full time and she doesn't work at all. I would actually argue that the status quo for childcare is a 50/50 split.

I agree that spousal maintenance would certainly help to balance the incomes of both me and my wife.

>>I would actually argue that the status quo for childcare is a 50/50 split.

That ignores the fact that you and your wife currently live in the same house. That is a very different situation from the children spending 50% of their time at one address and 50% at another. That would normally be regarded as unsettling for children. It will only happen if that is what your wife also wants. However, if she seeks advice on the matter (or, indeed, simply uses her mother's instinct or talks to her friends) she is likely to think that is less than ideal for the children and therefore unwilling to agree. If she does not agree then her view that it is better that the children have one base is likely to prevail.