How significant are incomes?

I’ve posted here before and it’s helpful to hear a straightforward perspective, thank you in advance if you are able to offer a perspective.

My net income (self employed) last year was £70K

My ex’s income net was £36k

My ex’s pension has a CETV of £410k

I have a pension CETV of £60k

I am 51

My ex is 53

After the mortgage is repaid we have £1.3m equity. The house is under offer. We are under the same roof but not talking.

One child 16yrs one 19yrs

My ex proposes sharing the equity equally and I do not make a pension share application due to my higher earning. No child maintenance as the 16yr old will stay 50% with each parent. My ex proposes we each out £35k in an account to cover the children’s expenses until the youngest leaves school after A Levels. My ex says they will support the youngest through university be an agreement with my youngest as they will then be an adult.

That does not seem fair.

I propose that I should get £175k from my ex’s pension.
I think I should get at least 50% of the equity from the house
I think we should each pay £70k into an account for the children’s expenses. £35k each will be insufficient to maintain the children’s lifestyle.

My ex argues that we each have equal housing needs
That they cannot meet their housing needs based upon what I deem fair
My ex argues that they will not agree to 50% equity share and will adjust this to 65% in their favour if I seek a pensions sharing order
My ex says that they are too close to retirement to meet their housing needs and replenish the pension that is assigned to me under a pension order
My ex says that because I have the higher salary 50% equity and no pension share is fair.

My view is that it’s not my fault my ex has a Lower paid job than I do. I have very little pension and my ex says that I earn enough that with my salary and 50% of the equity I will have enough opportunity to make my own retirement provisions.

Can you offer an opinion as to what is realistic in these circumstances please. Who is being unreasonable here as we are far apart and I’m preparing for mediation. This may fail and end up in court.

Thank you in advance

>>My ex says that because I have the higher salary 50% equity and no pension share is fair.

Your ex is wrong. The pension was built up during the marriage which is a long one. You cannot house yourself with a pension so the issue of pensions stands on its own two feet. You are entitled to a pension share.

Whether you will get 50% of the equity is another matter. On the face of it £1.3 million in equity could be enough to provide adequate housing for both of you if divided equally. That would certainly be true if you lived in somewhere like Worksop or Doncaster. Having said that, if the equity is this high the chances are that you live in London. In that case neither of you may be able to buy something suitable. (Moving to, say, Edmonton or Croydon if you currently live in, say, Fulham would not be regarded as reasonable). The chances are you will both need a mortgage. Your wife has a lower mortgage capacity than you do. Therefore assuming that I am right and you live in an expensive area the chances are that the equity will be divided unequally in your wife's favour. It depends on the cost of alternative housing but typically you would be looking at, say 55/45 or 60/40 in her favour. I think 65% would be a bit of a stretch. Regardless of the percentage you are entitled to a pension share.

I don't think anyone can force you to pay any money into an account. If you were to do such a thing voluntarily it would be important that it required both your signatures to spend.

Thank you for your response, this is appreciated.


I am the female and the higher earner. My ex-husband is lower earner but has the higher pension. Is gender relevant in terms of these negotiations?

Thanks again

Gender makes no difference. The figures are what matter and factors such as the length of the marriage, whether there are dependent children and their ages etc.