What Options Do I Have? Contributions to Mortgage

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Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 10/02/2022 10:15PM by bnm.

Here is my ten penny’s worth.

You say that you want to work at the relationship, do you think your wife does? If she has been like this, and you have accepted it thus far I don’t think that there will be any change. I would say only work at your relationship if you are happy for things to ultimately end up back in the same place.

I would be looking to get out of this ASAP, and before a baby turns up because if that happens you will be well and truly screwed with a wife who has no intention to work.

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Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/02/2022 10:16PM by bnm.

I don’t think you can protect yourself financially (David would be able to confirm that or otherwise) what you walk away with today is the best you can hope for.. The longer the marriage goes on and the longer she doesn’t earn or build up a decent salary and pension pot, the more of yours you are going to have to share if it comes to divorce.

That probably sounds a bit mercenary, but having been screwed over by a wife that never worked full time, even when the children were at school and she didn’t need to be there for them, or paid into a pension because mine was a good one, I tend to see the financial side of things more these days. I have a partner, neither of us want to get married, we maintain our own houses and spend time together at each others. Both of us have been through a messy break up and have had to start over again and we want to maintain out own independent security.

Frankly, you cannot protect yourself financially. For as long as the marriage lasts your wife is a stakeholder in your income, your pension and any capital you build up. You cannot contract out of that by any sort of fancy document. And, as Andy says, if a child comes along the needs of that child will be paramount and your needs will come lower down the pecking order.

And for what it's worth you will get little sympathy from a court with an argument which says that over the years your wife has contributed next to nothing financially. A court will simply say that was the marriage you had and that you accepted it by putting up with it.

Leopards don't change their spots. Thinking otherwise just substitutes hope for experience but doesn't change anything.

David's last comment 'Leopards don't change their spots' - take that on board, file for divorce now.

Thanks David and others for the honest advice.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/02/2022 10:17PM by bnm.